I thought about you today. Remember that time we went to lunch and talked so much that we barely touched our food? How we laughed so hard, the tears were streaming down our faces to the point that the table next to us probably thought we had severe problems. And that only made us laugh more. We promised each other we would do it again soon and keep in touch. Growing up sucks. It takes us away from each other.
Sweet friend, although I thought about you today and most days, I am not keeping my end of the promise.
You see, this season in my life is tough. It is loud and crazy and beautiful. I wouldn’t trade it for the world… well except the fact that the toddler pees on the floor so much we call her piddles the puppy. Scratch that. I’ll keep that too because it will be a sweet memory one day. Just as our friendship is.
I miss you and how close we used to be. I could call to catch up, but if you have ever been on the phone with someone who has children you know that most of the conversation is you listening to them tell their children to stop fighting or to go watch a movie so they can talk for once. Instead I decide that I will call when I’m in the car by myself next. Knowing good and well that when that happens, I will just be sitting there enjoying the rare silence.
I could send a quick text but then we would be trapped in the awkward chit-chat back and forth.
How are you?
Can’t complain. Anything new?
Nope. Same stuff, different day. We should get together soon.
I agree. It has been too long.
Chances are, I will not make any solid plans with you. And it isn’t you, it’s me. At this time in my life, friendships take a back seat. I have these tiny humans that are competing for my attention and affection every hour of every day. If there happens to be a spare moment in there that those little people are distracted with something else, I have to figure out how to be a good wife and give my husband the love and attention that he deserves. Then, there is self-care. I still have to think about me. You could argue that catching the Wednesday yoga class with you would be a form of self care. And it might. But, honestly the thought of getting everyone ready and out of the house by a certain time makes me anxious beyond words. If I happen to have a free day where we don’t have appointments or other plans, I like to keep it that way. I could meet you for coffee. We could go to a park for a play date. However, right now, today I just can’t. On top of figuring out how to balance being a mom and wife, I also wear the hat of teacher, employee, referee, chef, maid, and so many more.
I always say there will be a day when my children don’t need me so much. A day that I will have energy to wear more than yoga pants and actually brush my hair. There will be a day that I get to focus on friendships again. It will be a glorious day by the beach, perhaps with a margarita. We can waste a whole day reminiscing on the good ol’ days. Until then, I ask for understanding and patience. If you invite me somewhere and I do not accept, please know that it only means not right now instead of not ever.
Good friend, I promise that if you seriously needed me I would be there. Don’t think otherwise. If you wanted to come over and deal with my chaos and sink full of dishes, I would make coffee and talk with you all afternoon. You know, in between getting fruit snacks, restarting Frozen for the 100th time this week, and changing diapers. I just cannot commit to girls’ night out or Thursday mom’s group. Not in this season.
I wish I had the time and energy to put into everything that called for my attention. Everything sounds so fun and moms need a little fun here and there.
I am thankful for social media and a few minutes each day that I can scroll through and see the highlights of your life. I hope you know that you are in my mind often. I can’t wait to pick up where we left off.
Your friend with kids